


post-intoxication blues

by evotter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, alice dorcas emmeline and snape are all mentioned only, all-human AU, based off of what happened w my friend, but if u read this it would b appreciated, idk how else to tag this, just an fyi, lily evans is a dork, literally just comedy the whole time, seven-drink lily!, so is james, the aftermath of drunk lily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 11:57:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12276015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evotter/pseuds/evotter
Summary: in which Lily gets drunk and uses her phone to say some things she probably wouldn't have if she were sober. from the wise words of Marlene, seven-drink Lily is pretty ballsy.





	post-intoxication blues

**Author's Note:**

> so the events that take place in this story are events that happened to one of my dear friends. at least she's thriving in uni ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Lily Evans wakes with a pounding headache.

She’s not in her own room. She can tell that just from opening her eyes; there’s a rug on the floor, underneath her, that looks and feels suspiciously like the one inside Marlene and Mary’s on-campus flat. The room is dark, but the curtains are drawn, so Lily can’t tell what time of day it is. All she knows his that her head hurts and she needs caffeine.

“Here, Lils.” Marlene says from somewhere above her. Lily sits up and is immediately greeted with a cup of coffee and two painkillers.

Lily grunts.

“Good morning to you, too, sunshine.” Marlene says, amusement tracing her features as she sits on the couch. “It’s noon. I tried to wake you up earlier, but you didn’t budge.”

“You can’t wake Lily up unless there’s coffee in the room.” Mary says from the ajar bathroom door. “S’why I bought her that coffee candle for her birthday.”

“It doesn’t help.” Lily says sourly from the floor. “It only smells like coffee when you light it.”

Mary pokes her head out and gives the redhead a look. “And _that’s_ why I gave Emmeline a lighter. For emergencies, of course. I wanted to make a pulley system—in case you shut off your alarms—but Marlene said that was a fire hazard.”

“It _is_ a fire hazard.” Lily says, just as Marlene does.

The brunette rolls her eyes and disappears into the bathroom again.

Lily wraps her hands around the coffee mug and looks up at Marlene. “So,” she says. “Care to fill me in on what’s going on?”

Marlene arches an eyebrow. “You don’t remember?”

“Not much, no.”

“God. Either you’re a bigger lightweight than we thought or you drank more than you let on.” Marlene pats Lily’s head. “Your mum called you last night around dinnertime, about Petunia and Vernon.”

_Oh. Right._ Lily remembers _that_ much. Her sister’s engagement to her whale boyfriend. Her sister’s engagement happened at a ‘family’ dinner—family being almost all of Vermin’s family and Lily’s mum.

Lily had not been invited. And she’s starting to think she won’t be invited to the wedding, either.

“Ha.” Lily says. “Ha, ha. Yeah. I remember that. Did I come here just to get drunk?”

“Pretty much.” Marlene says. She shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “Emme’s Saturday class had a test, so she didn’t want to get smashed the night before. Alice and Dorcas were here, but they ran out to grab breakfast. They should be back soon.”

“I love Alice and Dorcas.”

“Don’t we all?” Marlene says. “Anyway, we all drank, but I don’t think any of us got as shitfaced as you clearly did.”

Lily presses her fingers against her aching forehead and deadpans, “I want to die.”

“Save that comment.”

Frowning, Lily looks up at the blond. She doesn’t like the look on Marlene’s face. “What is it?”

“You, er…” Marlene grimaces. She reaches over to the coffee table and grabs a phone— _Lily’s_ phone. “Did a couple things.”

“ _What_ things?”

“You texted James Potter.”

“Oh, _God_.”

“You told him he was cute.”

Lily buries her face in her free hand.

Marlene clears her throat. “Hey,” she says, reading the message on Lily’s phone screen. “So I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re cute and we should talk more. Okay, thanks.”

“I said o _kay, thanks_?!”

“You have a way with words, Lil.” Mary says from the bathroom.

“Shut it.”

“Perfect grammar even when you’re drunk, though,” says Marlene approvingly. “Well, I say perfect. I mean it’s as good as it normally is.”

Lily glares at her. “Is this really the time to give me another lecture on how I text?”

“No, no, of course not. I just figured I’d throw that out there.”

Lily reaches for her phone in Marlene’s hand. “Has he responded yet?”

“Er...yes.”

Marlene lets Lily take her phone. In the conversation with James Potter is his response: “Haha, well thank you.” Lily reads. “We can definitely hang out more.” There’s a smiley face at the end of the message, which only makes Lily groan again.

“You were in the shower when you decided to text him.” Marlene supplies.

“I hate myself,” she says.

“He at least said yes to hanging out more, though.” Mary says helpfully. “What if that’s a good thing?”

“He’s just a nice person.” Lily says, locking her phone and setting it on the carpet. “He probably just thought, ‘Shit, I should be nice to this poor girl’.”

“Maybe.” Mary agrees. “But you’re attractive, so.”

“Um, wrong.”

“Um, right.”

“Also,” interjects Marlene, glaring at the bathroom door, “you called Severus.”

“ _WHAT!?_ ”

“Oh, yeah.” Mary reappears in the bathroom door. “ _That_ was interesting.”

Lily reaches for her phone and scrambles to unlock it. “And you guys _let me_?”

“We thought it was funny.” Marlene says. “At first. You said you wanted to tell him that you were doing great in college without him in your life and that you still thought he was the most toxic person you’d ever met. And you wanted to call him a bitch.”

“Oh, my _God_.” Lily says miserably. “Did I tell him all that?”

“He didn’t answer.” Mary says. “Which was really odd. I thought he would—you know, since he’s been in love with you since we were preteens and all. But we—being the _good friends_ we are—took your phone away before you could leave a message.”

“Also, we blocked and deleted his phone number.” Marlene adds.

Lily takes a moment to sip the coffee in her hands. “You guys are good friends,” she agrees.

Mary grins. “We know, love.”

“And I am never drinking again.”

“You chugged a glass of wine and that’s where it all went wrong.” Marlene says, sitting beside Lily on the floor to twist her dark red hair into a braid. “I think you were at—what, seven drinks? Seven drink Lily is pretty ballsy.”

“She sounds awful.” Lily mutters into her coffee cup.

“Oh, no, she’s amazing.” Mary promises. “Snapchat story material, definitely.”

Lily groans.

\---

_[text to: james potter] okay, cool. maybe we could meet for coffee and study or smth._

**[text from: james potter] for sure. and maybe you can tell me about the wild night you had last night at marlene and mary’s ;)**

**[text from: james potter] i’m friends with marlene on snapchat**

_[text to: james potter] ah hell_

_[text to: james potter] sure._

_[text to: james potter] fyi, seven drink lily is the one who sent the text_

_[text to: james potter] but zero drink lily agrees with the text_

**[text from: james potter] excellent**

**[text from: james potter] zero drink james potter says the feeling’s mutual**

**[text from: james potter] so, coffee tomorrow?**

_[text to: james potter] see u there :)_


End file.
